Attunement

I like this word, Attunement. I have experienced it multiple times in my personal life. This “knowing” another, whether it be friends or romantic partners. Together you fall into a comfortable rhythm that encompasses shared stories, experiences, places, and feelings. In a clinical sense it’s created less by sharing in those experiences directly and more in the sharing of stories of those experiences and conveying thoughts and feelings about those stories.

I came across this definition of attunement and it summed up something that feels a bit intangible quite nicely: a “kinesthetic and emotional sensing of others, knowing their rhythm, affect and experience by metaphorically being in their skin, and going beyond empathy to create a two-person experience of unbroken feeling connectedness by providing a reciprocal affect and/or resonating response.” (Erksine 1998). That idea that it’s a sense of how the person moves in the world speaks to the art of the therapeutic process. It comes with time (which under managed care may be harder to come by) and learning, listening, taking in who that person is.

When we are attuned to our clients we are “getting” them on a fundamental level. We understand who they are at their core self. We can respond to them in a way that conveys this and demonstrates this understanding in a way that lets them know their life is of consequence. What they say matters, their life, their existence, their narrative, their worldview, all of it. I think about this in relation to those who have experienced profound neglect and abuse. It may be one of the first times they’ve felt what they had to say mattered to another. Attunement suggests that the therapeutic alliance is most important, more so than the intervention even. That feeling of being seen and heard, validates us on a very fundamental level and fosters an intimacy in relationships that provides a solid foundation to build on: to build trust, safety, resiliency, and an improved sense of self. If you don't have that foundational alliance, how can you work toward anything else with your client?

Working with college students you have an opportunity to flex your attunement skills in a unique way. This phase of emerging adulthood is a time when they are testing limits, figuring out who they are and deciding the trajectory of (at least) the next few years of their lives. As a clinician if I can get to a place of attunement with them, not only have I demonstrated that I am listening to them and paying attention to who they are, but I may actually help them figure it out. I am seeing signs of attunement after the first few weeks with them. Their responsiveness to questions, or the behavioral homework I give them, tell me they are eager to work and solve the issue that brought them to me, and in so doing, figure out a piece of themselves. Providing that ‘sensing’ guidance that I hear them and see them for who they are, creates a safe space for them to explore places that make them fearful, anxious, sad, and angry. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could all explore those feelings early in our lives so that when we went out into the world we had a clearer understanding of who we were, what we needed and why?